i ran errands in the pouring rain.

i was very productive.

i ate oatmeal cookie chunk ben and jerrys ice cream.

i watched 'taken' for like the hundredth time, such an amazing movie.

i made a list of what i have left to do in the next three days.

i got a better than expected crit from a teacher that doesn't like me very much.

i cleaned the hell out of the kitchen. Did you know our stove top was white?

i wished my mother a happy birthday, and soon after she 'accidentally' hung up on me.

I spent $43 on prints today, and thats not the last fortune i'll be shelling out to the lab.

i remembered why i love subway so much. eat fresh.

i got 2 websites working after alot of headaches.

i ate cafeteria food for the first time in weeks.

i say d bag far too many times.

i printed in the eds labs for the first time due to time constraints.

i day dreamed about a married man.

i overslept on purpose.

i didn't hear a word of importance in geology, except that he left out the fact that our final is open book.

i bought and completely enjoyed a cookies & cream candy bar.

i took a trip down memory lane and cried.

i really like this guy who has a girl friend, but we mutually 'forget' this once in a while when talking on aim.

i sewed paper all morning while answering the same 4 questions on the phone over and over.

i skipped class to go see senior thesis shows, and traded my pepper spray for a copper rubber duck.

i thought my teacher was going to cry because of the wonderful work that was shown today, i have to admit taht i was also impressed by those who's work usually makes me want to vomit.

i picked my nose, but didnt eat it.

i saw my best friend for the first time in a few weeks and it was wonderful.

i had an amazing visit/breakfast with my wife and her boy, just the pick me up i needed, and she even brought me a gift.

i sat on the balcony and enjoyed the sun and wonderful weather, and wonderful friends.

i inflamed the tendon in my wrist and burnt myself on a hot glue gun, while working on my hw.

i made corn muffins.

i heard an acoustic version of 'ridin dirty' and have never laughed so hard.

finally caught up.

goodnight.

4/25

i got word that my wife is stopping in to see me on her way to kentucky.

i fixed the weird files for my website, that isnt even close to being done.

i thought about working on putting my book together, but thinking about it was as far as i got.

i caught up on tv shows i missed, taking the stage, gg, oth, you know the lame stuff.

i figured out why i wasn't getting alerts from twitter on my phone, and fixed the problem...tweet tweet.

4/24

i got to work on time.

i didnt give a single tour.

i read alot in 'never sleep' but still havent finished it.

i ate a burger and fries from the cafeteria; an hour after that i was throwing up and it didnt stop all night.

i watched the perfect storm for the first time, god i love george clooney.

4/23

i woke up later than i had planned.

i bought fabric to make a toga.

i didnt even come close to getting the amount of work done that i had planned on doing.

i went to a bar with nothing but a piece of fabric draped over me and held up by a belt.

i want to dj at the bar up the street.

4/22

i went to union square just to get blue copy paper.

i was hassled about not caring for starving children in 3rd word countries, 3 died as im writing this sentence.

i saw hot tap-dancers at the L stop at union square.

i drank to much for a wednesday night, but it happens.

i had a long boring day.

4/21

i had the morning off to write a paper, even through the hang over it got done and was fairly impressive.

i fought through cheap text messages about how i may or may not be a bitch.

i had pasta for dinner....again....

i only smoked 3 butts....getting there slowly.

i got sick of the texting fight so i just i called you and you didnt answer, pussy.

4/20

i woke up late and ran to work spilling my coffee on myself.

i had my heart broken. he didnt even come to see me.

i went to a birthday dinner for my girl, and got wasted on free shots and mojitos.

my feet turned orange from my boots getting wet.

i listened to dope old school jams at the 5spot and loved it.

im a few days behind, but im exhausted so ill catch up tomorrow.

i slept for over 12 hours and have never felt better.

i waited all day for a call or text about having a visitor, but after months of planning i guess its not going to happen.

i got my heart and hopes broken, and am re-thinking these feelings.

i started writing the the weekly journals that i was supposed to be writing all semester.

i got the best drunken phone call ive gotten in a long time.

day late

i sat in front of a phone for 6 hours and it only rang 7 times, and not for the reasons i was supposed to be answering for.

i changed my mind about a person, whom i judged too soon, and now have a new friend.

i got high for the first time in a very long time and had a great afternoon.

i sat and drank and enjoyed conversation for hours in the sun with friends.

i fell asleep at 8pm after not getting the call about going out that was supposed to happen, from a now non-friend.

i lied to people on purpose just to get them to leave me alone.

i got a shitty hairy whale tattoo on the inside of my left wrist, and 'kyle' stamped on my left hand.

i saw frank warren from the post secret project speak, and was moved by the whole idea and the large scope of his project. during the speech i laughed, i cried, i was speechless, and i got his autograph in 2 out of 4 of my books. he, and his project made me realize that some of the things that i have done in my life that i am not at all proud of, other people have done as well. i am not crazy, i am normal, i am not alone. and on the better side of things, i can finally admit that i am in love.

i got the news that my best friend is now officially a civilian again, and i cant remember the last time i heard news that made me as happy as this.

i took a free shot at the liquor store, and think that this should be a normal thing at liquor stores across the country.

i didnt leave my room until 6pm, and that was to get dinner from the cafe.

i had amazing conversations at a party full of strangers, artists are so strange and terribly entertaining, i felt like i fit in for once.

i completed day 2 successfully, even with a little alcohol involved, bring on the weekend.

i got all the layouts for my website done.....but havent started it because flash is still downloading...2 days later.

i ment to send a text saying 'jokes on you u got the herp' to a friend as a joke...but sent it to someone else instead and they havent talked to me since. :(

i jumped out of bed, for no reason imparticular, and kicked a brand new can of spray mount. causing it to fly across the room, my foot to bleed, and the nozzle to be broken off. there goes 13 dollars and the bone in my foot.

i started the patch, and have not smoked all day.

i got a lot of work done, more than i have in a while, got to keep this pattern going.

i cleaned out my hard drive, get rid of everything you dont need.

i cried when ending a phone call today, not sad tears, just can't wait to see you tears.

i forgot a day....

i had a good crit for once in my life i was prepared and knew it.

it rained and i got wet.

i smoked my last cigarette.

i watched an episode of 'las vegas' that i actually hadn't seen before.

i fell in love, well sort of.

i got nicotine patches in the mail.

i made more phone calls today than i do in most weeks.

i had a doughnut for dinner....well a few pop'ems anyways, because the pasta i got from the pie shop was burnt.

i didn't think it was possible to actually burn pasta, overcook maybe, but not burn.

i found out i was unemployed.

day sex

i bought 48 packs of M&Ms.

i watched over 8 hours of NCIS and had seen all but 1 of them before.

i had a fairly detailed convo about the pro's and con's of butt sex (paddle your canoe).

i looked up the racial break up of the historically black universities, i.e Howard, A&M...

i filled the ice cube tray.

day 5

i was rudely awoken by the maintenance man, and he was creepy talking about pillow fights and shit the whole time he was here, and he didnt even fix the sink.

i ate the most amazing egg sandwich.

i walked in the rain twice for a meal.

i spent another night watching tv and drinking beer alone, what a life i live.

i laid out the work i have to do/finish in the next two weeks, but didnt get any of it done today.

day four.

i had my first cigarette of the day at 2pm, and only smoked 4 all day, as the beginning of quiting all together.

i did the dishes only to realize that the sink was leaking terribly out of the cabinet below and onto my feet.

i made cupcakes.

i hosted an easter egg dying party.

i called my mom and dad, and i think i interrupted something i dont want to know anything about.

day 3.

i woke up late and still had creases from my pillow on my face when i got to class.

i gave a stranger the wrong directions on purpose because she looked rude.

i returned a wild 3 year old to his mother.

i made a love connection on the a train and posted a missed-connections just in case.

i had the hiccups 3 times.

Day too.

i saw an old friend and we talked more in those 10 minutes than we have since we've known eachother.

i worried about my sisters ovaries, and the possibility of never being an aunt.

i decided to take a bartending class this summer.

i let my secret crush on a professor slip to a friend.

i looked though lists of restaurants in the area to try something new, but after an hour of looking i ended up just getting new grace.

a new path: Day 1.

i decided to start documenting things, 5 things everyday.

i saw a frumpy woman and began to judge her, then realized what i was doing and felt like i should have apologized to her even though she didn't hear me.

i was reminded how awkward constant eye-contact is.

i felt like i contributed something, and felt intelligent while doing so.

i called again and he didn't answer and my mind started spinning with terrible things that could have happened, until he poked me, on facebook.

hey-shit-head

your calls brighten my day, even when we are both in terrible moods.

you always know exactly what to say, and even your angriest voice calms me and brings me back to earth.

but even so, i miss your touch, i miss your love.

soon.

love.

get your head in the game

i skipped my first class this week, and i felt like shit the whole time i knew i should be there. Why does this happen? why cant you just guilt-free skip class to relax and clear your head? this place makes you crazy sometimes, or me at least. I get lost and save hw for the last minute and get behind, then stay up all night trying to make 50 compositions, and show up to class with 25....but still get a good crit, take the bad with the good.

i got this shit on lockdown.

ya idk where that came from

beyonce is so hot asian in 'halo'

Chester M. Olester....no comment

big pants

gold medalion with a picture of me wearing a gold medallion

cat shit coffee

yoyo champion

''rise an shine''

ya its been a weird couple of days...dont ask....

BLOW ME

Type 4 hw....you know...

so anxious.

my mind is stirring

cant focus on one thing

cant remember, wont forget

thinking too much

or not enough

walking

worrying

wishing you were here

wishing this were over

real world here i come

reality, not reality tv

if there's a difference.

priorities, mistakes

make up your mind.

make up my own mind

live life, and live it right

what is right?

is it wrong to want to always be right?

perfection is said to be impossible, 

but is it wrong to strive for that?

wish upon a star

or a plane

thats disguised as a star.

close your eyes

imagine that place you want to be

and drift away

away

away

...

sleep sweet.

myths

final day of 1st classes....

now i gotta do real work...

OMH...who knows additions to the list keep piling up but no one fits into the picture.

i feel lazy and its not a good way to start the semester

do work

read and write

idk what this means but i gotta get shit done

i miss you, i love talking to you at night, thanks for listening to my complaining and helping me get through all this bullshit im getting through. i do love you and you know this. so stop pushing me.

you fit the list, most of the requirements are there, so whats the problem?

idk. your not here. your supporting me and its almost as if you are, but i need that physical-ness right now. and i dont mean sex, but just a hug when im down and a squeeze of my hand to let me know taht im not alone. i need these things, and the long distance thing has never worked for me before due to trust issues and now that isnt the problem, its that i want you here with me. I wanna wait for you, will you wait for me?

wait, come save me.

weird dayyy

class-a-frass...too much reading but at least i know how.

imagination is an amazing tool, use it to its fullest extent but beware of the concequences.

i miss my mom, she didnt call me back today.

night night sleep tight.

day 1

Irrational design; make beautiful looking shit that means nothing.

its gonna be a strange semester.

mimosas....where americas day starts

day man

oooooohhhhhaaaaaoohhhhhhhhh

fighter of the night man

oooooohhhhhaaaaooohhhhhhhhhh

champion of the sun

oooooohhhhhaaaaooohhhhhhhhhh

master of karate and frendship for everyone

im not a child anymore, stop treating me like one.

strawberrys are NOT my favorite fruit.

dream it and make it come true.

y are you calling me???

stop ruining my life.

theres no room for you anymore.

<3

IM 21!!!!!!!

maine maine go away.....except when friends come to visit!!!!

corny

as the snow turns to rain

i realize how much i miss maine.

time out

once in a while i need to breathe.

step away from the stress ridden life ive made for myself 

and find something that makes me smile

you make me smile.

i love talking to you and hearing about your day

thinking about what your doing thousands of miles away from me helps me escape my life for even just a minute

pretending i am there with you

wondering why it isn't possible right now

and deciding when it might be

why now have i found you

why now do i care

what about the army....

i seem to have gotten stuck in this rut or finding military men, 

maybe because they are lonely and are looking for someone to reach out to just as i am

art school and military aren't the same thing...or are they?

I love army, always will, this is known.

but maybe because it is in reach right now is my reason for disinterest

that shouldnt be right tho

love shouldnt work that way

do i really love him?

i think i really do

i do

i love you.

but then the marine came out of no where and caught me off guard

sweet and genuine

maybe too distant for me to get comfortable, yet a nice escape from army.

i dont know what to do.

friday i will see the army man, and hopefully in the next month figure out where things are and where they are going.

i need a time out from it all.

2 days and i will be home

9 days until christmas

15 days until my birthday!

and a month before i have to come back to this hell hole

im hoping a month is time enough to figure out where i am

and get my head straight before i come back here

before the madness starts again.

time to breathe is all i need.

SO CLOSE, BUT YET SO FAR

A week from tomorrow i will be done for the semester. 3 semesters away from the end of my undergrad program...that is scary as all hell, being so close to senior year, senior thesis/project is terrifying. And Im dong so well, yet im almost failing science. wtf. so frusterating.

im almost there, i just need to buckle down and do work. DW DW DW. i need a mom sitting here telling me to keep going. or instant energy and inspiration. 

fuck

im screwed.

paper time.

overwhelmed

can u ever just be whelmed?? or even underwhelmed??

so much goign on lately i wish i was only whelmed but im waaaaay over. everyone is comign back to me at once and i cant take it one at a time or none for a while

i need to figure out my life before i can even begin to deal with anyone else's.

i love you i do and you know this but put the little box away, store it in a safe place. i cant take it.

why come back after so long...i know ur lonely. leave me be, i just forgot about you and you come back at the worst possible time. gawd you tore my heart apart and i hate you for it so dont come back cuz i cant get into that slump again.

good night. i love me, or im trying at least then ill  do my best to love the rest of you.

take care of me.

its weird, you being back

i miss you like ive never felt before

now you home

sleeping next to you

going to lunch

chillin with the boys

everythings the same

but not us

we've grown up

not together or apart

just grown

you've seen things that i can't even imagine witnessing

and not sleeping through the night because of these sights

i can't imagine the nightmares you are having.

I've been in school doing my thing trying to get where i need to be

we are the same people but time has ruined us i feel

i want to love you, 

i do love you

til the end i will always love you.

but where do we go from here?

in a month and a half you will be home for good

but i will still be gone

you will have lost me this time

you will be the one waiting

can you wait as i did?

can you

what about the butts?

can you hold off.

wait for me

wait

i dont know if i want you to

i have no idea what i want

dont ask me taht question again

i will say no, not because i dont want to

but because i cant right now

lets take it slow

even slower than we did before

lets live

we are young.

lets live, lets be.

lets be happy and take it slow

slow

slow

i love you.

found

down...

glue...super glue

pick me up

hold me tight

im falling apart

and dont know who would save me.

day old...

written last night....on my phone, bored..

lost tired done

over it all

need a break five days is way too long

five four three

two

one

done

sleep rest play what do those words mean

maybe ill find out in 5

5 girls turned to 3

3 plus 2 gays makes the break great

what a turn then down to three and back to 

two

2

this is goign no where

if those 2 r around im acting like i dont know

its gonna be fine

anxiety

i dont need them but im not angry just moved past it

past

over

over it

i can be friendly without getting caught up and letting everything go

they need to earn my friendship again but i doubt they will try hard enough

try

hard

try

not

i can't wait to go home

not brooklyn

i am

exhaustion

wake up

snooze

alarm snooze

up

sweatpants are fine

anxiety, nothing ever goes as badly as expected but the build up is terrible

whats going to happen

everyones stuff is so good, i should have spent more time on it

i went with my gut, my guts no good

whats gonna happen?

no ones gonna wanna talk about mine

yikes my turn

wait listen wait

nod

half smile

breathe

its gonna be ok

nothing i didnt know before

im alive

this is where all the stress comes from

insecurity, why?

i belong here, i got in and i am passing

but yet i still feel this sense of not belonging

not being good enough

but i am

i am

i am

i am

just keep telling myself

repeat over and over, and live life and enjoy what im doing

im trying

i try harder everyday its just a matter of finding that drive

it seems to be missing alot mostly in the times when i need it

but im tring to find where it hides so i can shine the light on it when its in need.

im confused and so is my writing

but i dont care and neither does any one else

so its fine

i dont care anymore

im here and thats all that matters

i am

pieces...

confusion as always

i think im having a heart attack

senecas appear out of nowhere and so does that smile i know and love

both have been missing for so long

quiet 

unhappiness

confusion

there you are

where am i

did we disappear

where did we go

two places not too far from one another

brooklyn

it steals your soul and gives it back one small piece at a time

you are almost whole again and i am barely recognizable

pratt will do the same thing to a person

but 'i go to art school so i am supposed to be like this'

its not an excuse anymore

but

no excuses

its over 

im in pieces

small pieces that even the best of super glues can't fix

a jigsaw puzzle with millions of pieces

my mom likes puzzles

but i can't ask for her help 

she won't leave the kitchen table until the puzzle is whole again

thats not what i want

not what i need

i need space

time

space

time

i need some sanity

where do they sell that

brooklyn

maybe i can find it cheaper on the internet

but even then the shipping will cost an arm and a leg

tyyyype

brooklyn

quiet disrupted by sirens and lights

streets scattered with people and waste

friends, foes, strangers that you will never meet

families, store clerks, homeless people

confusion, structure

why do i even try.

my mind it so scattered and jumbled

can't make sense of anything 

want one thing 

say or do the opposite

live here, live there

class

home

maybe food

sleep? whats that?

wake up late

lies

confusion and combustion

will my mind continue to expand or will it eventually explode?

are you really there or is that a lie too?

who do you trust? who can i rely on?

i'm over it all, over and over and over

smiles and tears existing in the same space, 

can't control them

bed. lay awake eyes closed mind spinning, never stopping.

night.

Bleghhhh

Ive been putting of and working on this post for months. facing facts and dealing with emotions.  but this is it...it is what it is and could go on for pages and pages but it has to end somewhere. every beginning has an end.

----------------------------------------------------

It's been a long couple of weeks. Very stressful and I'm not getting enough sleep.  Im overwhelmed by work and it's my own fault really because I procrastinate and can't find the motivation I used to have to be here and do work that I love.  I lost my inspiration, my muse.  I don't know what it was but I feel like it has left me. 

 

I hate to say that I have been depressed but I think that is where it is going.  I think too much or I don't think at all. I cry at the drop of a hat.  I can be all by myself and it just hits me out of no where. I cried in class today.  I spaced out and lost myself and when i realized that I had drifted to another world, somewhere safe and warm, my eyes teared up and just ran down my face due to the fact that I am still here, and that nothing has changed.

I remember the moment I heard the bad news all 5 times. 

online, IM

online, someones facebook status.

online, status led to an article.

phone call, sitting by the phone waiting, hoping it wouldn't ring, until it did.

phone call, totally unexpected, caught me off guard.

all ended in a collapse of my knees, my body turned to gelatin and my mind was gone.  Sadness took me over.  I melted and sat on the floor with my knees up and my head resting on them.  I sat here until My eyes stopped leaking, and there was nothing left to cry. Then I would get up and do something, or at least try.  And I would get myself to forget until it would hit me and my eyes would go again, and my mind dissapeared again as well.

This still happens after 6 months after the first.  Seeing pictures is great remembering all the times we had and their smiles, and how I was just getting close to a few when our time ran out.  But as nice as that is I try to keep them hidden because it just starts that downfall that I'm trying to avoid.

I don't know how to talk to anyone about this, about any of this.  Like I'm barely comfortable talking inside myself and admitting to myself that I think I am depressed and have an anxiety problem.  It's just that so much has happened in such a short period of time and I wasn't ready for it, they were all so unexpected and my emotions were already off guard deciding what I need to do about school, and working 7 days a week, that my mind still doesn't know how to process it all.  I haven't had time to proccess alot of what's happened because I haven't had time to think about how I really feel besides sad and lost and that I'm missing pieces of myself.

Ms Ryder, wow. My inspiration, the reason I am where I am today.  A rock, caring and stable and always held me down.  Darling and amazing and so sweet.  When you left it was such a surprise to me because I did find out so randomly.  I wish my mom had called me and told me what happened.  But it was also a surprise because I thought things were going ok. I had been doing my best to look at your blog often so I would be up to date on how things were going. I wrote you letters and sent you some of my work.  Although I never got a response I know you got them and hope that you enjoyed them and reassured you that I belong here, where you put me.  I really do owe you a lot. I think about you everyday. and how much you've done for me. You were always there for me and always had my back when I was having a hard day, or on the verge of a mental breakdown when the yearbook wasn't meeting deadlines.  Shooting slides and making my portfolio look professional and just reasuring me time after time that I would get in and that I deserve to be at Pratt and they would be silly if they didn't accept me.  And the day they did, your room was my first stop the next day at school. That was such a happy day for me and I owe you for it. I love you and I could write to you for pages and pages but that wouldn't change anything or bring you back to me. I know your there looking after me and I hope your looking down in approval.  I can't say it enough times, Thank you for everything without you I don't know where I would be. I miss you every second of every day.

Jake, although we didn't know each other that well, it's so strange that you are gone. When I found out, I thought it was a joke. I searched and search until I found out for sure. And when I did I froze. I couldn't believe it. I know you had your life together and were on your way home for you birthday of all things.  I'm sorry we never got a chance to know each other better.  I will always remember you as a joker, with an amazing sense of humor.  And you have an amazing family, and great friends, I'm just sad you were taken away from them.  This was a hard time for everyone. I just want to thank you for always being nice to me and not treating me as Ally's little sister like many did, but treating me as my own person. Keep an eye on us Jake. love.

Seraphin, wow, I feel like it was yesterday that you were lecturing me for smoking, and passing me on campus and always smiling and saying hi to everyone and always being polite, but then also see you at a party occasionally doing you.  You were someone to look up to, someone who had their life in order and knew who they were and where they were going.  You are an inspiration.  Loosing you made me question life, this world we live in, and the God we are always hearing about.  I just don't seem to understand why someone so good, someone who is trying to make a difference in this world would be taken away from us, esspecially in such a terrible manner. I'm sorry.

Bev. One of my biggest regrets is not spending more time with you this summer, and over the years.  I've been really selfish and you passing made me realize this.  I worked too much, and when I wasn't working I would rather go out and play when I should have been spending time with my Family, and yes you are family.  When you were first diagnosed with cancer when i was in high school, I had a lot of support from my friends, It was really hard for me to grasp what was going on because you were the first person close to me to have cancer.  When you survived much longer than they had anticipated I was so happy, so happy that I seemed to forget that you could still become sick again.  I remember mom calling me and telling me things were getting worse.  I played it off like you would become fine again because that is what i wanted to happen I refused to come to grips with that fact that you might not.  Seeing you when you were so sick broke my heart because that is not you, you are the life of the party and always will be, every time I pop a bottle of champagne I will be thinking of you and no matter where I am there will be a toast to you.  You cross my mind everyday.  We had alot of good times, nights playing cards or just having bbqs or sitting around the bon fire.  You were always in a good mood and kept us all going.  I hope to live life the way you did.  YOu never crossed anyone and touched the life of everyone who knew you.  I miss watching games with you and talking about the lakers and hearing you complain when the Pats beat the Browns.  Most of all I need to thank you for being there, for always being there.  You have always been like a second mom to me, and a lot of kids dont have that kind of relationship with their neighbors and I'm so glad I did.  Thanks for always being there on my birthday and treating me like a person, a friend. I love you and I miss you and this could go on forvever.

Jeff, It couldn't have happened to a better person. You were always nice, and I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better and I feel like we were just getting to know eachother better and now we don't have taht chance.  You and Becky were perfect together. I regret not knowing you better, because everyone always speaks well of you.

Halloween; the best holiday ever

tom cruise is gone....here comes the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater!!!!

i dont even know.....

confusion, caused by you, we were always there, I was always there. I think this word is vague and doesn't describe anything but lies. Is it confusing when your phone rings and you don't answer? Or when you come home, where your 'friends' are and you don't call them? I don't seem to think so but I guess I mean, if you are new to the english language that word may be confusing.

Days, weeks, months, a friendship like ours, or what I thought we had, should and has lasted those distances, miles and minutes, before why the sudden change? hmmmmm.

Growing and changing is all in you, you have control of these, not physically but mentally you do. If you like someone and you want them in your life you make time for them, or you try, trying isn't a hard skill to learn.

caring, strange word, maybe even confusing, when I care about someone I like to talk to them. Or rather I need to talk to them when substantial things happen in my life. I care about people and make sure they are ok. When I care about people I assume that they care about me and that I can trust them and confide in them with what's going on in my life instead of just drifting away. Drifting isn't apart of caring.

If you aren't having fun, then maybe that is something that you need to asses in yourself, who do you want to hang out with? Would you rather hang out with people your own age or leave a party that your friends, your girls, are at to hang out with people much younger and much less mature than you because there are more people there and you might....'I'm going to be nice'.

Retreat is a sign of weakness. To grow stronger you must face your fears and your problems. And who better to do this with than your friends...or 'friends' as we see it.

Personal or not, shouldn't friends be able to discuss problems and life without pushing each other away? Rough times bring me closer to my friends, well friend now I guess.

I grew more this summer than I ever imagined. I grew as a person, not farther or closer to anything but within myself because of the things that I went through and I was forced to deal with and forced to lose. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't have someone to talk to about everything that was going on, someone to cry in front of, someone to listen all of those times, a friend.

MJSBJ rip.

There are so many paths in life, it all depends on which one you choose, or if you choose to stay on one path the whole time or cross over half way through. Life is in the hands of the living. Don't take it for granted, you have it now, but it could be stolen from you when you least expect it.

Space from some friends and not from others isn't being alone. Being alone isn't the issue here, it is again a choice, one that was obviously made and is seen by all effected. No excuse.

Im glad the re-evaluation of lifestyles and life in general has arisen, this should be done often and before it is to late......

Distance is inevitable, friendships last a lifetime when cared for, and given water and sunlight. But when neglected and forgotten they are just that.........

alive, strong, getting by.

DW

homework + 'That 70's Show' = a wonderful Sunday

i have actually been doing work tho

(type3 hw)

you know you go to art school when....

you watch videos like this and laugh waaaaay too much.

f u

lying, cheating, whore.

fuck

tom cruise parties too hard for me.

more procrastinating

Mommy told me I could

I WANT SWEETIES

they have a mind of their own, keep 'em under control

Your secrets are never safe

The Real-Life Office Space.

no shit.

omg.

I'm trying to be assertive, did it work?

Dont you ever ask a woman to touch her gloves in public!

drink, drank, drunk

work work work...

too much to do so little time...

i need to add "priorities" to my vocabulary.

whatttt?

"Leave the poor girl alone, she cut her hand and twisted her ankle, the last thing she needs is a credit card."

Halloweenie

Halloween costumes are over-rated.

you're either wearing some big clunky uncomfortable costume or you're practically naked.

I've been trying to decide what to be and I've narrowed it down to:

the game of operation

tom cruise in risky business

ragedy ann doll

sweet & low package( allies idea )

some sort of animal....bunny?

anything that requires little to no money or ambition...lol

i have no idea

Obamaine

love this

feed the animals

28 days until the Girl Talk show!!

bald man...i mean womanizer

science project...at art school?? yes ma'am

made a toy like one we had when we were kids...

it was fun.

The end

MUTANTS

When I was on my break from work today the squirrels were chasing each other.

Nothing like a little game of tag.

i wanna be famous, a star....maybe have groupies??

i spent too long on utube....and not enough time on hw...here are the results...

Denny Blaze - Average Homeboy

Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager

Mahir Cagri - don't even know what to think lol

Ryan Holt - HOLY BALLOONS

Little Loca

Gem Sweater

OMG same chick!!! haha

black chick kareoke...skip to like 1 min 30 seconds in...thats when it gets good lol.

more later...gotta go to work...fakkkk

lights, camera, action

Manual Camera

My Dad recently gave me his old manual Minolta SLR camera so I've been experimenting and playing around with it...some are from home(Maine), and some in New York.

Whiskey and Betty

Seapoint Beach, Kittery Point, Maine

fat boy drew

3 UPS trucks on one block??

oasis in the middle of Brooklyn

on West 4th

belgrade, maine

belgrade, me

The Beginning

I've never really been into blogging, but lately there has been alot of stuff going on that is funny and interesting and random.

As an artist there is always something new and different going on in my life, whether it be my project or one of my friends projects that I'm helping out with or just watching the progression of.

My hopes with this blog is to post my life, and by my life I don't mean, "I woke up this mornign at 9:28 am and ran to class....had a salad for lunch....ran into so-and-so....ect" thats boring to me let alone anyone else looking in. I want to post projects I'm working on, silly quotes said by my friends and I, crazy Utube videos that have fallen in my lap....The Randomness of Life. Nothing is planned. I don't even know how long this blog will last or if I'll ever have time to update it.

Live, Laugh, Love.

(image taken at York Beach, Maine, July 08)