time out

once in a while i need to breathe.

step away from the stress ridden life ive made for myself 

and find something that makes me smile

you make me smile.

i love talking to you and hearing about your day

thinking about what your doing thousands of miles away from me helps me escape my life for even just a minute

pretending i am there with you

wondering why it isn't possible right now

and deciding when it might be

why now have i found you

why now do i care

what about the army....

i seem to have gotten stuck in this rut or finding military men, 

maybe because they are lonely and are looking for someone to reach out to just as i am

art school and military aren't the same thing...or are they?

I love army, always will, this is known.

but maybe because it is in reach right now is my reason for disinterest

that shouldnt be right tho

love shouldnt work that way

do i really love him?

i think i really do

i do

i love you.

but then the marine came out of no where and caught me off guard

sweet and genuine

maybe too distant for me to get comfortable, yet a nice escape from army.

i dont know what to do.

friday i will see the army man, and hopefully in the next month figure out where things are and where they are going.

i need a time out from it all.

2 days and i will be home

9 days until christmas

15 days until my birthday!

and a month before i have to come back to this hell hole

im hoping a month is time enough to figure out where i am

and get my head straight before i come back here

before the madness starts again.

time to breathe is all i need.